1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
