how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
