I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
