Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
