I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize