I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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