He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize