So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
