I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
