I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize