Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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