first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Less talking, more tequila
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
