Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The air was thick with penises
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
