Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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