Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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