I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
