sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
