she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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