Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
