Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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