It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize