i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She told me I should be a condom model.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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