that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
