you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
