i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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