i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
