Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
