SEEEEXXX PLEASE
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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