fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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