That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize