I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
