I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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