And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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