Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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