I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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