just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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