Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
