cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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