When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
