so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
