I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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