Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
How does it feel to date your dad?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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