There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
