i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
