Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
