you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize