You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
