I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
