i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
