Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
