So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
