God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize