Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
