Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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