Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
