Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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