Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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