I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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