I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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