How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
