yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize