How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
