I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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