So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
