You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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