I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
