Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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