a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
