so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I can't put those talents on a resume
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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