So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
