I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
just come out here and I will go home with you...
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
