I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
