Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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