how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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