Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
