He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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