Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
