wakey wakey hands off snakey
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
