Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
