god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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