Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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