So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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