i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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