I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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