Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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