You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Randomize
