I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
