Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
i need some magic done to my vagina
I have fence marks all over my body
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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