oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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