you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
