I think I won the penis lottery.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
