Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
