I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize