I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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