Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
