Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
