i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
