I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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