would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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